Where does queerness start?

It is always sunny in Malaysia. As I seek shade after walking in the sun for a while, the surroundings suddenly dim and my vision temporarily blacks out. During the trance, the world evaporates into soft shades of black. There is a light dizziness, but it is pleasant. The blackout lasts only a few seconds and then vanishes. The ephemeral journey through dimensions is over in the blink of an eye. That black is translucent but not invisible. It only appears when I transit from here to there, and it sparkles with unseen colors.

On the 19th of May, during Ensemble’s Chromatica Splash event, the sky was blindingly blue. Celebrating Pride Month in June, Ensemble initiated various activities for Pride Week from the 14th to the 21st of May. The wind was hot and slow. The library was filled with students studying for exams, wearing headphones and AirPods.

It was then that the piercing beats of Lady Gaga’s music started the event. Around 5 p.m., people began gathering in the open field area. The attire rule was simple: wear black and something that is ok to get wet. The 24 participants greeted each other with hand waves and nods, but they kept their distance. However, breaking down the barriers to bring smiles to their faces only took a 30-second water balloon fight. Some balloons were too tough that they wouldn’t pop, but it didn’t matter to the people who had already grown close. They burst into laughter while squeezing the indestructible water balloons, trying to give a new friend a cool splash. No one ran, threw, or competed to win. Even though the game was called a “fight,” it was more like a joyful conversation—a wordless introduction that disarmed everyone instantly. The soaked, wet black T-shirts, jeans, and scarves became one shade darker. People started taking off their shoes as the wet field became slippery.

As students attending an Australian university in Malaysia, we are challenged to navigate the clash between individual values and society. It makes us ponder where we come from and where we stand. The vibrant multiculturalism in Malaysia, which we admire and celebrate, is as historical as a map—a depiction of people and cultures that contribute to the country’s pride. However, most of these are still unknown territories for us as individuals. Beyond our comfort zones lie places where we lack experience or conviction. Nevertheless, like an ant on a map, we are overwhelmed by the vastness of life. The unfathomable depth of it narrows our focus to the present, the cultures we grew up in, and the teachings we must adhere to. But what happens when we decide to immerse ourselves in another dimension?

With Harry Styles’s song playing in the background, colorful powders started to explode into the air. Small packets of neon powder flew across the field, leaving shiny chrome trails on someone’s back or chest like meteorites. The sound of wet feet running mingled with laughter, adding an extra cadence to the music. A hazy cloud of colored dust arose, making the air on the field visible enough to feel and inhale. The radiant dots on black clothes became more abstract as the colors mixed together. Every movement on the grassy field was captured by the neon mist, resembling a slow-motion film. The countless sequences of people were similar: they were diving into each other’s black world, scratching a crack of color—a glimpse from another dimension. At the same time, they welcomed the invasion of new colors, capturing every hue. A perfect parabola of water balloons, the trajectory of water fired from water guns, chaotic radials of color powder, and contagious laughter infused the air, creating an intricate blueprint of queerness. On that field, the celebration unfolded as endless journeys toward ambiguous states. Everyone had different colors, but from a distance, they all looked the same—blushed, messy, and glowing.

“As we celebrate queerness in this open field, inviting every participant to join,” said Esbe, the publicity officer from Ensemble, “we are embracing the diversity within us. Showing others that queerness exists right here, right now, is crucial. We aim to demonstrate the spectrum of people in our community, and it is a cause for celebration.”

International students who participated in the event also shared their ideas and experiences of queerness within the Malaysian context. Feeling both arbitrary as outsiders and closely interconnected with local societies, some students expressed optimism about Malaysia opening up to non-heteronormative discussions in the public sphere. Some students agreed that Malaysia is changing; however, there are still future challenges that society members need to address in order to acknowledge queerness at a micro level in their daily lives. One Malaysian student admitted that one’s spirituality does not hinder being queer, commenting, “The younger generations are always exposed to a flood of media. We live in an unprecedented era of constant updates and revolutions, driven by new media with new actors. Sometimes it feels like a new facade for old conventions. But our generation has the knowledge and power to deploy technologies, raise our voices, learn about others, and be wise.”

Australian ideas and practices in Malaysian society are intertwined with queerness, creating a gateway to experiencing different dimensions that coexist with our own. The committee members of Ensemble were keenly aware of this, and they made further efforts to program an event that could bridge the gap in between.

“We are part of Malaysia, but being present at the Australian university puts us in an ambivalent state,” said Niraen, the president of Ensemble. The committee members of Ensemble described the advantageous position afforded to Monash Malaysia students, allowing them to navigate both sides of cultures without disembodying any of them. This enables them to explore unprecedented territories and shape histories.

“Last year, we invited drag queens to the campus during our Inclusivity Night event. It wasn’t like watching a foreign drag show; it was happening on our campus. Meeting them, listening to their stories through performances, and sharing the same space had even more significance due to the multiple layers and histories it implied,” said Chris, the treasurer of Ensemble. By this means, Ensemble’s celebration of queerness on Malaysian soil holds greater meaning, as it captures the intersectionality that arises at the Australian university in Malaysia.

When the 60 packets of colored powder were exhausted, the event concluded around 6 p.m. The participants cleaned up the field, and soon everything was back to normal. People in the library were still focused on their laptops and notepads. The sun was low, and the reminiscence of colored mist was faint, like a disappearing proof of the dimensional trip.

So where does queerness end? Does it really end?

Queerness permeates every aspect of life in every moment. It operates in online communities, conversations, arguments, and religious events. However, one’s body remains the ultimate space where queerness occurs. Discovering one’s queerness involves traveling through different times, spaces, and emotions. It is a personal journey in which you can choose to open yourself to the world or pursue new possibilities covertly, that it doesn’t change the things you will see in that venture.

Therefore, be proud, as you take a leap of faith into the great unknown each day so courageously.

Written by Juyeoung, Photos by Bong, Sean & Xin Yi