I want to kill myself. I mean it well and truly. Like bile at the base of my throat, like a sick, growing ball in my chest, like shivers down my spine. Maybe death is too harsh a word, gorey and blood-tinged, violent and cruel. To be completely truthful and exact: I do not want…

If your disappointment stained my youth, may I paint the rest of your life with resentment?  But I don’t know revenge. You’ve raised me deprived of personality, buried under the facade of a good child. I don’t hate you; I’m void of hatred.  Now when I look at you, even through blurry video calls, all…

the moon and her ocean sway back and forth. the waters, vast and deep, obey her beck and call. the lunar beauty, cold and distant, stretches him thin. she dances around him, always sure to look him in the eyes, so that he never sees what’s behind her back. Written by Jou Hatsu

i bought you that sweater because (you said you liked it and i wanted to make you happy so that you wouldn’t leave me because i was scared of being alone so you had to stay but i overthink too much which you wouldn’t like meaning i had to do everything to make sure that…

Hey. It’s been a while since we last saw each other. No, not you, reader. You. The person not reading this. I’m sorry that you aren’t. I was excited to write; part of me wantsto believe you were excited to read. Neither of us got the opportunity. Until now. Though you aren’t reading this,and may…

I like you I like the way you smile, when the lines reaches the end of your eyes I like your gentle touch, and how you hold me close to your heart I like your gaze, as you looked into the sky, and star that dazzling so bright I like you  I like the way…

I turned 20 this year. To be honest, I thought it’d be more special. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything I got. It’s just that I miss when I’d get cards alongside my gifts. I’d asked my parents for a gift, the shark soft toy from Ikea (the blahaj, you know the one)….

It’s been years since I last heard your voice or since I last saw you. The truth is, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for seeing you as my killer, when really, you would have killed for me if you had to. Your bloodied hands weren’t from hurting me, it was…

one day I’ll tell you about all the ways I love your hair. long, uniform strokes of auburn. looking at me looking at them. I almost don’t wish you’d look back at me. Written by Jou Hatsu

It’s been so long since I’ve spoken about this part of my life, and it’s not something that you bring up casually, and even if I do speak about it casually, I just mention it like:  “Oh yeah, she passed away ten years ago”.  You know something I thought about, her birthday was earlier this…