Midnight Memoirs: On The Shore

It was new year’s, I was a fledgling to drinking and yeah.. You can guess how it ended. My face firmly planted on the ground but the weird shit didn’t happen when I was awake, it happened in my dreams and I have never been filled with such existential dread as I was after that dream. Friends, enemies and people in question, what I present to you now is the most honest talk I had with myself:

Me: are u not gonna ask me what’s wrong?

The cat without a tail: no

Me: you never bother.

Cat: there is a always something wrong with you

Me: there is a limit to how much i can hold it in for you

Cat: there is a limit to how much i can offer for you

Me: *at this point i start to walk away*

Cat: it’s your core

Me: I don’t understand 

Cat: all of your problems originate from there

Me: oh? What is that then?

Cat: your sense of guilt

Me: what did i do this time?

Cat: you always feel guilty whether you do the right thing or not.

Me: I always do the right thing. I try to at least 

Cat: you can’t even talk about it without feeling guilty,

When things go right you feel guilty about your happiness. And you make something up to make yourself worry

Me: but things- do happen to make me worry.

Cat: yes, you’re not wrong

Me: do i shut of my feelings *tries to grab the cat but realises it doesn’t have a tail*

Cat: Why do you care so much? Why do you wait so long to do things? Why are you still waiting? Your dad’s gone, there is no one left to give you permission.

Me: i never asked for permission 

Cat: stop lying

Me: you’re a cat, why do I care so much with what you say?

Cat: You might think you’re such a good person because you’re so thoughtful but you’re hurting yourself, when you hurt yourself you hurt others around you. 

Me: Who am I hurting?

Written by Anonymous

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