By Thamindri Aluvihare

The cliche goes something like this;

“If you ask me, I wouldn’t know to say that THIS was the moment that I realized that I’m moving on with my life, but for all I know, somewhere along the road, I had”

Contrary to popular speculations and much adored clichés, I am fully aware of the exact moment I realized that I was literally done with the holy act of self inflicted suffering and destruction. It was the moment I told myself that, I myself and not anyone else is responsible for my happiness, my actions and my words. It was the moment that I told myself that it’s my life and all my happiness would be webbed around my own self.

Apparently, the high priests of the modern society, the ones that veil themselves within the safe conclave of social prejudices have a singular word to identify the emotional condition I have granted myself asylum in; selfishness. But society has always been more of a foe than a friend during my life time. What I realized with time was that, the split second after a bomb blasts in your life, there is a vacuum created and the space between you and tragedy which is supposed to be full of reassurance, hope, love and care is now fogged up the screams of silence and crowded with emptiness. I realized with time that society, is never to be counted on. So inevitably, their concerns pertaining to my emotional seclusion can’t be considered in my favor.

See, this is the fact. The spider spins its web. For a while it catches all the insects that, in their naivety, are attracted by the beauty of it. And with time, the spider tangles itself up in its own web and die.

So are we. We keep telling ourselves that we’re hurt, that we’re depressed, that we’re sad, that we’re scared of cockroaches, that we are horrible at math… and eventually, the noise of our endless pessimism, seep in to our soul through the penetrable points and we believe in our own lies, we become victims of our own selves. We die tangled in our own web.

The moments I tore away the smile I wore on my face and replaced it with a smile that was originated somewhere beneath the skin and bones that not only spread itself around my face but also glistened through my eyes was the moment where I told myself that I am in control of my emotions and digressed the possibility of it being vise versa.

You see, maybe God, karma, cosmic radiation, aliens or whoever is responsible for the creation of human beings tried to convey a message with the chronological order of the human anatomy. The brain is in a higher elevation in comparison to the heart. Rationality surpasses the abundant emotional capacity of the human visage. Maybe, just maybe, the fault is not only on the people and situations that hurt us. But also in ourselves, for allowing it to do so and indulging and repetitively tormenting ourselves with the awareness of the constant pain.

So dear reader, take the damn steering wheel and drive your own car. Break few rules sometimes, keep going when the red light flashes. Go slow when you feel like, stroll around. But wear your damned seat belt and stay in control.

Here is a cliché from me to you;

It’s your life.