Rubatosis /ru-ba-to-sis/:

The unsettling awareness of your heartbeat

Awkwardness, nervousness, anticipation, excitement, chaos. Tension sways in the humid air, its presence heavy as the rhythmic sound of footsteps passes through the gate. Muscles drawn tight, smile slipping at the corners, the air presses down on the lungs with the weight of life. One too many shoulders brushes against one another in the cramped space beneath canopies where hundreds of students are lined up in the sweltering heat, clothes clinging uncomfortably against the skin. Discomfort and claustrophobia crawls along your skin, its reigns closing tight around your throat, shoes shuffling in an attempt to calm oneself.

Do you feel your heartbeat thumping in your ears? Thump, thump, thump–

Motion flutters around, loud and bustling. Seniors bearing the Monash logo across their shirts guide the new students mingling about with a gentle tone despite the fatigue evident beneath their eyes. You brush off the pressing feeling in your chest as first time jitters, eyes fluttering left then right, settling on a random object, carrying on with an awkward laugh and a too fake smile painted over your stiff features.

Is it now? Or is it the unnerving sensation of being watched?

Hearing the soft call of your name, you turn, only to be hit with a gust of wind so sudden the world blurs. For a second, you swore a girl stood at the now empty space staring eerily at you. You blinked, the world realigns. The sounds and light resumes in the background. Thump. Thump. Thump. The VP’s words echo through the skull, settling in the depths of your mind, calming the galloping wildness behind your ribs. 

“Welcome to Monash, October freshies!”, the MCs shout in unison, expression warm and welcoming. Cheers roar to life, you clap along unbeknownest that beneath the fanfare, something else brews. Somewhere tucked away in the darkness, Annabelle’s eyes flutter open. A smile stretched too wide over her pale face as she awaits your arrival in unsettling stillness.

The welcoming session flies by in a blur. Your head swims with the information poured into your too small capacity of processing anything in the early hours. The chatter fades as students filter out of the auditoriums in organised chaos, free to explore the campus they’ll call home for the coming years. Your eyes instead sought out a forming line in the far distance, like a moth drawn to flame, towards the awaiting festivities. 

Welcome young naive souls, don’t let yourself be swept away by the tides of darkness now. 

Let Annabelle’s tour commence.

Act I: Haunted House. 

To those courageous enough to pass through the doors, may your eager steps stay calm and steady. Where once stood the student lounge has been completely possessed by a creepy energy. Dust and cobwebs line the walls, small halloween trinkets lie discarded on the floor as if intentionally placed and at every corner an Annabelle doll sits eerily still. Smoke rises around the narrow space, hiding horrors beneath the shades of grey. Your reflection in the mirror grins a tad too widely at the terror that lines your face. Hehehehe~ won’t you play with me? Run as you might, your fate was sealed the moment you welcomed yourself into a space that does not belong to you. So scream and cry to your heart’s desire, cling to those beside you, because no one is coming to save you. May you exit the same as you entered.

Act II: Movie screening. 

Terrified of the idea of too realistic jumpscares crouched in the space between shadows? Well lucky you, since the perfect timepasser has been prepared for those who seek thrills through heart leaping terrors while enclosed in the comfort of cushioned seats and the smell of popcorn permeating the air. Join the horror movie fanatics at the auditorium where Annabelle and IT clowns await your arrival. Wiggle back in your seat and grab some food to settle your stomach but be careful not to get too queasy now. Scream, jump, cower beneath your hands and laugh like an absolute psycho if you must and let the tapes roll. 

Final Act: BBQ block party. 

Tick tock, tick tock. Be completely honest, you were just waiting for this magical hour to come weren’t you? That’s the only reason why many of us aren’t already curled up at home. Well, let the curtains rise then to our final act as the campus flickers to life under the darkening sky. Smoke singes your lungs, painting the pink skies with shades of grey. The scent pierces through the air attracting butterflies and bees towards the mouth drooling barbeque feast prepared. With plates piled sky high with kebabs, mac and cheese and too many other options to list, students returned beneath the canopies, squeezing to get the best position facing the stage as performers gathered. For the next hours, all worries that plague your mind washes away as you lose yourself to the music that beats in tune to the living instrument in your chest. Dance yourself away you did, hyping together with the crowd, the music loud and alive till late hours, your throat raw from screaming the lyrics to your favourite songs. 

Years later as you curse over every assignment and unit in existence with your friends, blood pumped full with caffeine, eyes rimmed red as you watch your juniors party the way you once did during orientation, where did all that energy even come from, you will reminisce about the times of the past, the spark and joy that you carried as you ventured out in this journey of yours. Wherever your destination may be, Monash will always be your home away from home. 

So spend your years well freshies while you are still young and unplagued by worries of the distant future. Cheers to the years ahead. 

Written by Jia Wei

Photos by Daven, Jovie, Rida, and Xiao Qing