Written by: Kieran Nair

Photographed by: Ivan Liew

Featuring: Hyqel Razali

Three years ago on the 5th of August, I got a call around 10:00pm asking me if I was the relative of [my brother] and telling my family to rush down to the hospital. He was involved in a motorbike accident; his helmet flew off and he landed head-first. He passed away the next day, and our family was distraught because it was super sudden; it was the worst time of my life because of that. It was so bad until the point that I fainted in front of hundreds of people when I saw his tombstone. The morning of his passing, he was trying to get my attention and I ignored him; that incident has been reoccurring in my mind and disturbing me until now.

I realised that people started expecting more from me, telling me “Hyqel, you need to be strong for your mom.” When people tell me that, I wonder, why is no-one considering my feelings, asking me to be strong for myself instead of someone else? Two weeks after my brother’s passing, people were already telling me to move on. It was very brutal for me and I was pretty heartbroken. 

A lot of people say you need to get over it, but you can never get over someone’s passing, especially if that person is your family member. One of my relatives told me, you just have to take it one step at a time; you’ll never move on from it, you just deal with the pain one day at a time. Even now, the moment someone texts me while they’re driving or speeding, I remember whatever happened on that day and cry the entire night.

My point of wanting to say this is that there are a lot of teenagers who text while driving or speeding. During the funeral when I had to give a farewell speech I told my brother’s friends to ride back safely, it’s not worth it to get into an accident and to affect hundreds of us. I just want people to know the consequences, the dangers of it.