This article contains sexually explicit language.
It is also mostly geared towards heterosexual sexual intercourse as it is a personal think piece. This article also consists of personal and non-personal experiences and does not reflect any other scenario that the reader may have.
Yes, you heard me right in the title.
Sex, often portrayed in our typical teen romance, chick flicks as something you do in a bed of roses, with candles lit up around you as the ‘Bedroom Jams’ Spotify playlist plays softly in the background as your ‘One True Love’ undresses themselves on their king sized bed.
Does that not sound like the loveliest scenario ever? All my life, I thought so too.
How does one define when do they have sex for the first time? And who would they have it with?
Some of us might come from an upbringing where our parents have ingrained in us that you HAVE to be married to have sex, DO NOT have unmarried sex! Whether the reasons are religious, personal or just plain ‘old-fashioned’, it is not up to me to decide as I believe that everyone is entitled to deciding what they want to do, who they want to listen to and whatever they want to believe in.
Today, I will just be talking about my experience as a teen, navigating through the big ‘S’ word that used to be a taboo for me.
Now that I’m 21 and have met so many people from all walks of life, I’ve heard all sorts of numbers when asked about ‘the First Time’, from 13 to 20 to Never Before and the one common question that follows up is always ‘With Who?’ and ‘How Did You Know When?’.
It truly makes me think of it myself, when did I know when I wanted to have my first time and who I wanted to do it with?
Society has made it seem like a 50/50 dice rolling game, you either don’t care who and when, since it’s ‘just sex’ after all but at the same time, your first time ‘should be your most memorable time with The One.’
So, what gives?
I have never given it much thought. I was 15 when I had my first boyfriend and we dated for a really, really long time. We were 19, when we had sex for the first time together.
Yes, it took us 4 years to decide to have sex.
It wasn’t that we didn’t want to, but we just never talked about it until we entered our third year dating. I was the one who had brought the topic up, asking him if he thought it was time for us to try having sex since we’ve already touched all the bases for years, except homerun. He agreed and then well, we set our plan into motion.
My experience? I found it special, even though it was nothing like what I would’ve imagined.
I mean how could I have expected it to be in a budget hotel room booked over a phone call, walls as thin as partition with the town traffic as background noise? Nonetheless, it doesn’t matter.
In porn, they tend to show the girl moaning and writhing for her life, screaming names and profanity left and right. While it looks like she’s having a great time, it does not always go that way in real life.
While porn does help you figure out what goes where, it doesn’t tell you about how you’ll lie there figuring out this new foreign feeling of having something other than your fingers touch your vagina, how you’ll need to tell yourself to relax and not be too tense.
You’re doing something new, of course it’s normal to be confused and curious, so don’t be too surprised if it doesn’t feel the way you expected it to be!
One important lesson that I learnt is to not pressure yourself about orgasming.
I get it, on Wattpad they always portray sex between a man and a woman ending with both of them orgasming at the same time and bam! It’s like a firework show and all that jazz.
Let me assure you that it is far from that.
There is nothing wrong with you if you are unable to come, it might lead you to feel guilty, confused and anxious but there is no correct journey to orgasm! You might prefer to masturbate on your own, and that’s fine too!
(Personal Note: I am extremely lucky to have been with a person who respects my boundaries and is receptive to how I felt throughout the whole process. If it feels odd or painful, please always voice out to your partner to take it slow or stop.)
Did I read a bunch of articles about how it feels like to have sex for the first time? Yes.
Did I google what kind of positions are the most comfortable? Yes.
Did I check my period calendar at least 10 times before pinning down an estimated date? Yes.
It’s all VERY normal so don’t be shy about it!
Sex feels the best when both parties are consenting and comfortable, and when I say that it means Have you asked your partner or Has your partner asked you if you were truly okay with what you both are doing?
If the answer is ‘Yes but…’ STOP right there. Clear all your doubts and make sure you both really want to proceed! If both your answers are ‘Hell yes!’, go for it!
My advice is, do what you feel is right.
Do NOT ever let anyone tell you that your virginity contributes to your worth, because it DOES NOT. You don’t need to have sex to be cool. Who cares if you have had sex with anyone or not, or maybe you have had it more than a few partners because you enjoy it, so what? Who cares if you do it in the backseat of the car or if you do it in your childhood bed?
You do you, as long as you’re having a fun and most importantly, safe time.
Now, let me prepare a mini guide for all the first-timers out here!
1. A small list of things you and your partner would need to purchase.
Condoms! Lube! Tissues and Towels!
Condoms are a ‘No-Shit!’ item. Always practice safe sex, even when you’re nowhere near your ovulation period! Not only do condoms reduce the risk of pregnancy, they also reduce the risk of getting STIs.
As for Lube, the typical misconception is that people who aren’t ‘wet enough’ only use it and I would call it absolute bullshit! Anyone can use it! Lube reduces friction which can reduce the risk of injury as well as the condom breaking or tearing. Not only that, who says you can’t use lube to create a little bit of fun? ;)
Tissues and towels, well they’re pretty self explanatory. Where else would you wipe all the fluids?
2. Always Pee after Sex!
Yes, this is something that needs to be in bold red.
It is crazy important for everyone to pee after sex as during sex, bacteria can come into contact with your urinary tract and if not cleared, will give you a painful case of Urinary Tract Infection (UTI).
Peeing after sex basically flushes any bacteria away from your urethra BUT it does not prevent you from getting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI).
(Personal Note: Trust me, just pee even if you feel tired. Going to the doctor’s just to get antibiotics and Ural salts is just not worth being lazy.)
3. The Ouchies
You might have some aching going on post-sex due to several reasons.
In my case, sometimes I would experience slight cramps which would go away after resting. Or, your lower area might feel sore due to lack of lubrication or simply because you went a lil bit too hard. Nothing a hot pack can’t fix!
However, if you continue to experience persisting burning sensations when you pee or excessive bleeding, it’s time to get yourself to the doctors!
Alright alright, this was a really long read but if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ve gained a small insight into ~real~ sex education.
The bottom line is, do you, have fun and practice safe sex!
Article by Christie Wong