*Written in first person, but does not represent the author’s own experiences
Disclaimer: explicit and strong use of language and very opinionated
Written from a female perspective in relation to heterosexual relationships
*I wish I could say I was “off for a shag” but instead a pandemic left me home and horny; that is until I got a little too comfortable with myself and started capitalising on the risky affordances of the digital era.
Nudes and dirty talk are not a new invention. In fact, if you’d like, you can blame renaissance art, classic literature, pop culture, Kim Kardashian, the eggplant emoji, and most importantly Snapchat’s vanishing act for making nudity seem like risqué fun. It still baffles me, to know that I’ve transitioned from being so prudish and cautious to ever so often feeling horny, bold, or in need of validation now.
In a way, I guess you could say I had a ‘virtual sexual awakening’, one that was a lot more exciting than scrolling through porn categories and watching very overly dramatized, unrealistic, ideal acts of sexual intercourse between professional actors.
I assumed viewing meaningless sex between professionals as the only way to satisfy my ‘penis fly trap’, a ménage à moi must during a pandemic, that is until I sent out my first nude, to who I later on found out was a Calvin Klein model.
His occupation should not have meant anything, but did it feel good knowing that a 6’4, well-built man with a hot accent and a big dick wanted to jerk off to a picture of my titties? Heck yeah it did!
It feels so incredible to feel so desired when you’ve spent most your life comparing yourself to stereotypical, westernized standards of beauty to realise that your skin colour, body type, and features are viewed as beautiful.
This is not me condoning the act of sending nudes for validation purposes as justifiable.
There is absolutely nothing right about doing so if you’re being coerced, and you’re not in the right mental headspace, BUT that there is also absolutely nothing wrong with doing so if it’s consensual, solicited, and you’re comfortable with your body.
There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be validated, or complimented for your nudes because a confidence boost every once in a while can really debut the femme fatale in you.
I started sending nudes because I was so incredibly self-conscious about my body, and as much as it pains me to say, the male gaze objectified but also made me embrace my body. A few things that I’ve been told that’ve made me feel incredibly good about myself include;
· “You did this to me” (whilst holding his hard dick)
· “You’ve awakened your inner nymph”
· “Fuck. Me. Now”
· “You’d be such a hot milf when you’re older” (LOL)
· “That was so good…you have the body of a goddess”
However, I’ve come to the realisation that ‘dick pics’ certainly do not have the same effect on me. Not that I don’t appreciate receiving them (solicitedly), it’s just that as opposed to how men respond to cherries and peaches, I find myself not knowing how to respond in any other way other than “I want that in me” (which I’m being extremely genuine about).
I guess you can say ‘sexting’ is a skill of its own, a beautiful hedonistic art form where words hold so much power and control the way your genitals feel.
As a woman, I’ve always felt scrutinized for being too sexual, or not sexual enough, for the appearance of my body, my lack or too much of sexual experience, and my sexuality.
I’ve come to realise that my entire way of being is always going to be criticized, so I might as well do what makes me happy while Snapchat still exists and horny men still slide into my ‘dms’ or we actively seek each other out on Tinder.
I view taking nudes to either send out or keep for myself as a form of self-care, it’s activated the “fuck it” part of my brain where I do what I want for my own sexual pleasure. However, it is very important to do so safely, especially if you’re sending it to someone, whatever your relationship with them.
There are times where I’ve questioned the image I’m creating for myself when I send nudes because it just doesn’t seem like one worthy of respect but in reality, there is absolutely no correlation between having a little virtual fun and still maintaining a professional day-to-day image.
Most of these notions that you hear about women ‘whoring’ themselves are invented by society to weaponize and shame a woman’s sexuality as a means of control and degradation.
To conclude, if you’re feeling a little exploratory, and there’s a global tragedy and access to actual sex is not very possible, seeking alternatives virtually can be a refreshing way of honouring your body.
Written by Shabnam Sidhu
References
musamonga.com 